Ever notice, Amy, how when you stop trying to make something work that hasn’t been working, new stuff appears and starts working?
Yeah, time and time again I’ve noticed that Universe, thanks for the reminder. Sometimes it feels like either everything is working great or nothing is. I think I’m currently moving from one of those to the other. And not in the direction I would prefer.
I’m leaving in a few minutes to head to the dojang for my belt test today. I’ll be getting my blue belt today unless something catastrophic happens. I’m scared and nervous. I know I have a good grasp on what I need to know, but there’s something about the test format that scares the bejeezus out of me. I should be back later with a report on how it all went.
UPDATE: The test went well, I broke my board on the first kick and I felt good the whole time. Also, Grandmaster took me aside afterward and congratulated me on getting it all together in such a short amount of time. I’m feeling pretty damn good about myself right now.
I’m having fun with Twitter. I’m minivanninja, and beware, I allowed my obnoxious side out with the background. Prepare your retinas.
Reading Wendy over at The Melan’jack, I saw that she posted some of her Notes from the Universe. I had subscribed a few years ago and stopped, but I’ve been looking for something that could stand in as a daily affirmation or some such thing, and I re-subscribed. Occasionally I’ll share the better nuggets with all of you.
Hmm…..nuggets.
I’ve had a few private lessons with GMH (have another one tomorrow) and while he doesn’t have much general criticism on my poomsae or gyeokpa (board breaking kick), he keeps fine tuning what I’m doing. For instance, when I finally got the sequence for my poomsae down, he has me work on stances. A good front stance (bent front knee, straight back leg, both feet flat on the floor shoulder width apart). I got that down and now he’s working on more details. Like performing a down-block as if I was really blocking. I know it sounds obvious, but since poomsae is more or less a solitary thing, it’s something that gets lost. Not only do I block, but have to get my hips into the motion as well. And the side blocks should be performed much like a punch would. Speaking of punches, I need to remember to get my whole upper body into them, especially using my shoulders and back for extra power. Don’t forget the front kick, proper foot position. It’s got my head swimming a bit. Grandmaster has even told me that it’s not something he usually teaches to green belts. I’m sure over time muscle memory will take over.
I already have test anxiety and my test is not until Saturday. I’m mostly worked up about having to do one-to-one (kind of like sparring, but only with kicks) for the test. I’ve never had to do that before during a test, and it’s light to no contact, but sparring and one-to-one is most definitely my weak area. Grandmaster tells us not to think, just do. He sounds like Yoda, and I know what he says is true, because once I start thinking about what kick I need to do or how to block what is coming at me, it all falls apart. I almost dissolved into tears not that long ago because I was so frustrated at my inexperience and what I perceived to be bumbling through one-to-one.
I’m getting in my head way too much. I’m starting to sweat having to re-learn/refresh my earlier poomsaes for my test next month. I need to do by belt level poomsae and pick a favorite one. I’ve seen Grandmaster pick a favorite for someone during a test before, yeah, no pressure there. He points at them, “You do Sahm Jang, you Il Jang, and you Sah Jang!”.
Thank goodness for the coaching and the lessons I’m taking with him. I know he wouldn’t have given me this opportunity if he didn’t see potential in me (as he tells me all the time), and he seems to have it in his head that in a year and a half I’ll be competing at an international competition.
As I’m learning from him, I’m in an area of competence right now. I can do it and do it well, but I need to get to a point of excellence, which is being able to call upon my skills without doubt or hesitation. It seems a long way off, but every day it seems closer and closer.
I finally bit the bullet and made an appointment with an orthopedic doctor who specializes in sports medicine. Ever since I tried the green belt jump kick that I mentioned here, my ankle has been in a constant dull throb. Nothing that interferes with anything, but when I move it a certain way or have a moment to actually think about it I notice it’s there. That and the past week my achilles tendon area has felt really tight on that foot as well. When I get down in my stances, especially during my poomsae, when that foot is in back it feels like I have no elasticity in it and it hurts. It’s not constant, but only moving certain ways (like walking barefoot on my hardwood floors). Unfortunatlely I don’t see him for 2 weeks but I’m hoping nothing goes wrong in that time.
Since I just made the commitment to accelerate and I’m at the dojang 3-4 times a week, I really don’t want to have to back off. I really hope it’s nothing more major than a strain. I’m so psyched up for the extra training I fear any interruption with wipe out my motivation and energy level.
I had my first meeting with GMH (Grandmaster) regarding accelerating and personal coaching (not TKD, but life coaching). All the apprehensions and fears I had about accelerating were put to rest after the program was spelled out for me. I’m going to test for my blue belt this month, purple in May, and brown in June, then I will test every two months and adding in private lessons and whatnot, I should earn my black belt by October of ‘09.
I also had a private lesson with GMH today and I got the best compliment today when he said that with the power I can get out of my kicks, I’m the female version of one of the male instructors. It was high praise and it really made my day.
And as a bit of an homage to Skwigg, I took a picture of my arm and shoulder today, because I’m starting to see some muscle development there. I think the warrior training and push-ups are starting to pay off:
Last night at TKD we were paired up to work on applications. My first partner is far from my favorite, but there isn’t much I can do about it. I was happy with my performance last night, I felt focused and energized and actually felt capable for a moment. However, doing our applications I got kicked in the elbow…repeatedly. It might be the way I hold my arms, perhaps I’m not keeping my elbows in when I am in the defensive position. Or maybe I’m supposed to learn some lesson about minor injuries this week. Two days prior we were doing our kick-punch drills on the standing bags. Our instructor hopped on our bag to punch while I was kicking. There was some poor timing involved because I managed to strike his bony elbow with the top of my foot. I’m sporting an interesting bruise right near my toes.
Anyhoo, this morning I was heading out for coffee and to pick up some Burger King for my husband. His request, the thought of BK in the morning makes my stomach do flip flops. I either really thought it was a bad idea for him to have that or I got kicked in the head last night and don’t remember. I went towards BK and when I came to that street, I turned the wrong way. After turning myself around I managed to pass it right up without realizing it until I got to the Starbucks down the street. Since I was there, I got my coffee and promptly forgot where I parked the car. After a few awkward moments I found it and got his BK and finally got on my way. It’s a miracle I remembered how to get home.
I’ve been tired all day. I think taking a two week out of town vacation made TKD hit me all that much harder when I came back. My abs have been KILLING me today and my whole body kind of aches. Oh, and this morning I woke myself up when I pushed on my elbow to roll over. My first thought was “huh, that’s interesting, I’m sore”, and then “oh crap, that’s gonna be a bruise”.
On a good note, while I didn’t lose any weight while on vacation, I didn’t gain any either. Given how I ate, that is the best possible outcome.
I need to get myself together. I having been eating horribly, but I haven’t been eating great either. I kind of eat “accidentally”. About 2 years ago my appetite disappeared. I think something shifted mentally, because not only did I lose my appetite, but I didn’t really enjoy eating either. I only ate when I was hungry. What a concept. It helped me lose 40 pounds in 2 years and I’m currently holding at around 170 lbs. I’m 5′7″ or so, so it’s not a horrible weight, but I’m two sizes smaller (down to a 12 from a 16) so I’m not looking to shabby, but I feel like if I could get my act together I can just be so much better in so many areas.
Heart disease runs in my family, so getting down to an acceptable weight is necessary, along with keeping active (check and check). It seems arthritis runs in the family too and I need to add some weight bearing exercises to keep my bones strong. I need to get a grip on my eating habits and take some supplements as well. All around I need to work on self-management and self-discipline. Making a meal plan I’m discovering is must. I can’t keep making daily runs to the grocery store. If I could plan out at least Monday through Friday and shop in one trip, I’d be happier. As would the environment I’m sure. I need to organize my life a bit as well. I need to sign up for FlyLady again (and actually follow it). I need to do what I must first, then do what I want. Allowing myself to be distracted day after day is keeping me from reaching my full potential. I need to find an interest, ONE interest and develop it (I think it’s going to be photography). I need to contact Grandmaster and inform him of my decision to accept his proposal of accelerating my progress.
I need to give up the fear I have, whether it be of success or failure. Yes, I may be afraid of success. It’s very easy to be mediocre and average. Success means things will change, surely for the better, yet it’s the change part that can be uncomfortable. Giving up that fear and just doing will be a step in the right direction.
Implementing these changes may mean some initial micro-management of my daily life. I have to stop worrying about whether it’s neurotic or not and just do it. If I have to make a list just so I can have the feeling of accomplishment when I check something off, so be it. (Ok, I got out of bed, I can check that one off!). My biggest challenge is avoiding the distractions I use to avoid doing something I hate. Like how suddenly C-Span is so much more interesting than doing the laundry.
I need to start leading by example. We were originally going to do a lot of this as a family, but my husband recently fell overboard and it’s up to me. I can’t seem to do it for myself when I have to help the kids do it, so I’m just going to do what I need to do and try to inspire the rest of my family by my actions.
Already the negative thoughts creep in (it’s too much work, I don’t have the time, I’m tired). And they are all bullshit. I am a warrior, and a warrior can overcome any obstacle.
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