I probably shouldn’t be making any decisions in my monthly hormonally induced insanity, but I’ve been doing a LOT of thinking the past few days and was searching for answers. I think I found one, but I seriously don’t like it. I’ve done more weeping in the past two days than I’ve done in the past 2 years (I’m very, very tired. If I didn’t schedule in sleep, I probably wouldn’t get any).
After my test on Saturday, I think I’m going to take a month off from Tae Kwon Do. Writing that right now was painful. TKD has been what has kept me sane, no joke. But I’ve been running through scenarios in my head regarding my injury or whatever you want to call it and I really think time off is the best decision I can make. I think I’ve been in denial a bit about what’s been happening. I’ve been treating it like it’s a bruise that will magically get better on it’s own. I’ve been thinking and behaving as though I’m still 20 years old.
Reality is, I’m not. I don’t heal as quickly as I used to. My joints complain sooner. I know I sound like an old woman right now, but I need to see the truth. Worst case scenario is that I don’t back off, I don’t really heal, and sometime in the next month, or three, or whatever, I rupture a tendon and get a forced break or less severely, am in therapy indefinitely and go bankrupt and still can’t perform at 100%.
Best case scenario is that I take some time off, do no jumping, running, twisting or whatnot on that leg, stay off of high heels, and hopefully heal fully, then slowly work up to the level of training that I’m at currently.
I’m sure to most of the three of you reading this, it sounds like a simple decision. It probably is, but it is twisting me up. Firstly because of the sanity issue. In the 9 months I’ve been practicing TKD, my mood and confidence is at a place I’m really really happy with. Secondly is the great unknown as to what happens later. Does it flare up again no matter how slowly I ease into it? Thirdly is that black belt testing only happens twice a year. I’ve got fantastic momentum going and I’m terrified of breaking it.
There’s also this feeling I have (I think it’s denial) that my injury isn’t that severe or serious. I do have one more therapy appointment this week before my test, and I might talk to my PT to see what they think and what input they can give. I want to ask what can happen if I don’t let up or if it doesn’t heal completely, and if I do take time off, what a timeline might look like to getting back to my current activity level.
I realize through all this questioning that I went from someone who is doing something athletic to someone who is an athlete. The difference being that an athlete is someone who finds it difficult to stop an activity even when hurt. Or is that a moron?
If anybody reading this has ever dealt with tendinitis in the foot (primarily the Achilles tendon) and is involved with martial arts, I would appreciate some input and personal insights and experiences. What worked for you.