Grandmaster went all Dumbledore on me again today.  He really is an insightful person, and am grateful that someone like that is in my life.  Midway through my lesson today he sat me down and asked me what is going on in my head.  I’ve been very distracted the past few weeks and he picked up on that.  Part of it is that my old habits are doing their damndest to get in my way.  I’ve been having the opposite of a Stuart Smalley moment.  Lately I’ve been thinking that I’m not good enough, I’m not strong enough to see this through.  Granted, a huge part of that is the awful evening schedule we’ve been dealing with ever since my 10 yo joined the swim team.  Thankfully that ends in a few weeks.  All of us are sick of not being home M-F.  And if it’s tough on me, I can’t imagine how the kids are managing to deal with school being a large portion of their day.

My second leadership project, starting in March, is going to be a meditation project.  I’m going to set my alarm early and actually get up when it goes off.  I want to give myself a minimum of 10 alert minutes where I can center myself and reflect on the day in front of me.  On top of being distracted lately, I’ve been a bit keyed up, and I think that putting myself in the right frame of mind first thing in the morning can only improve that situation.  If Grandmaster accepts it, I’m also going to add on to that by giving myself 15 minutes every night for visualization.  I used to visualize every night as I was laying in bed, going through poomsaes, applications & kick combos.  I’ve gotten out of the habit and while I wouldn’t say that my performance has suffered because of it, I feel as though I’m not progressing as smoothly as I could.  Plus my confidence in my abilities has taken a dip.

Now for some good news.  Remember how I started that pushup program?  Well, I was supposed to do it 3 times a week, but I’ve only managed about twice a week since I started.  Still, I did pushups (on my knees) until exhaustion today (or until I couldn’t do them properly.  Ok, same thing) and I managed to pump out 31!  I nearly doubled how many I could do in a few short weeks.  Part of my reasoning for not going full tilt into the program is that I just didn’t want to deal with being sore all the time.  While Tae Kwon Do is heavy on the kicks, there is a lot of arm work when you factor in punching and blocking.  Plus, we usually end class by doing situps and pushups, so I guess that counts as well.  I did notice that last class I didn’t struggle at all with the pushups, even at the impossible speed that particular instructor likes to perform them.



  1. Congratulations on your push-up success!

    There have been times that I felt my karate or my training was not good enough. I would feel as if I should be training more, training harder or understanding bunkai faster. One of my lowest times was after I tested for my teacher’s license. I wondered if I was deserving. I think this feeling is part of the process and by working through it, I grew as a person and as a karateka.

    Remind yourself how far you come in your training and how hard you work. You will realize that you are good enough. Good luck!

  2. I made it through about a week of the hundred pushup challenge and then totally forgot about it. So I commend you.

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