At a Crossroads

The updates, they have been scarce.  Partly because this month is hugely busy for me, but also because some shit is going on that I feel the need to keep close to the vest until it has played out, in the rare possibility someone from the academy reads my blog.  I came home from the dojang in tears last night, barely slept (stayed up talking to my DH until 2 am) and think that I might be seeing things more clearly for the first time in a while.  Sorry to be so vague.  I hate vague, but in order to make sure I have control of the situation, vague it is going to be for a short while.

Late last night, lying awake talking to DH, we acknowledged that we both have been unhappy for quite some time.  Also acknowledged is the fact that we both made it worse by retreating into ourselves.  By the time we fell asleep, we were both hopeful that we can design a life for our family that we all can be happy with.  We have both been passive, just letting life drag us down.  There was a recent death in the family and it has caused both of us to really think about what we want for our lives together.

After all that last night, today I am an emotionally spent zombie.  I actually fell asleep at the computer a few hours ago.  I must have put my head down and…zzzzzzz.

I’ll just say that the decision I think I have made can only benefit our family.  Things are not working well the way they are currently.  I’ll share more as soon as I am able.


I Need a Monday Do-Over

My youngest was home with a bad cold today, so for the most part the day was uneventful.  It all went to hell quick though.  I went to pick up my oldest from her Jr. High musical rehearsal at 5 pm.  Turns out she doesn’t get out until 5:30 and I need to be at the dojang at 6 pm.  Clearly, that isn’t going to happen, so I call in and let Grandmaster know I’m running just a few minutes late.  I finally get there, take over the last half of class (with some unusually unenthusiastic yellow belts) and get dressed for Hapkido.  I’m not in Hapkido for 5 minutes when I somehow manage to tweak my ankle.

Actually, I don’t know exactly what I did.  I didn’t turn it or twist it, I think I was a victim of not warming up enough.  I bow out and head out to the lobby area.  I make a move to get the ice pack out of the kitchen and the chill of pain runs right up the back of my neck and gives me goose bumps.  Uh oh.  Grandmaster gets the ice pack for me and after a few minutes suggests I head home to rest.  This is an excellent idea.  I do the half-limp/half-hop to collect my belongings and bow out.  My family is a bit stunned to see me at 7:30 as opposed to my usual 10:30.  I have had my foot elevated and  on and off the ice for the past hour.  Ibuprofen has been taken.  It doesn’t look like there is any swelling, but this is the same foot that I had the tendinitis in 2 years ago.  It’s also the same leg as the hip that’s been giving me grief.

Oh, did I not mention that?  One of my hips has been protesting a bit lately.  And by lately I mean for the last 6 months or so.  It’s nothing major, just kind of a nagging ache, tightness and heaviness that is more pronounced if I have to pivot on that leg.  I suspect the family curse of arthritis is trying to introduce itself, so I’m starting to supplement with glucosomine/chondroitin and a few other supplements for joint health.  On particularly twingey days I take ibuprofen or naproxen before class.

While earlier today it was relatively quiet, this evening became a cluster in a hurry.  I suspect this little tweak is just my body’s way of saying “Bitch, take a break!”

Kitchen Creativity

My youngest daughter turned 9 years old today and had the best day.  They had a pizza party in class that happened to coincide with her special day.  Daddy is taking her out for a birthday treat shortly and I baked her a cake.

Becca is my ice skater.  She’s been skating for a year now and it’s amazing what she’s learned in that time.  Just today she learned the toe loop.  Don’t ask me what that is, I know it’s a jump but other than that, I can’t really say.

Tomorrow we are having family over and I need to be at the dojang in the morning, so that meant that today I had to make her cake.  Usually I make the icing from scratch but I just cleaned the kitchen and I really didn’t feel like cleaning up powdered sugar for the next two days.  So I bought a couple tubs of icing from Wilton.  Each tub says it can ice 10 single layer cakes, but I call bullshit.  That stuff could cover 10 cakes if they are maybe 6 inches in diameter each.  This cake is made from 2-8″ squares and 2-8″ circles and I used a tub and a half.  Surprisingly it’s very level.  However it is listing ever so slightly to the left.  Still, to date it’s probably the most evenly leveled and iced cake I’ve ever made.  I’d love to say that I made something in it from scratch, but no, I do not have that kind of time, so cake mix it is.    The skater is made from buttercream and sparkle gel.  I made a quickie buttercream transfer (and it shows), and was dismayed to find that the gel never really froze.  Luckily it didn’t make a huge mess and I was able to go back and fix it once I had the transfer on the cake.

For the sides I thought it would be fun to have a “snowball” border with trees and snowflakes on the side.  I decided the trees would look sort of snowflakey.

I am super pleased with how it came out and Becca absolutely loves it.  I even managed to quell the shakes when piping the lettering.

Longing and Sentimentality

I’ve kind of been missing my old blog.  I used to have a blog called PsychoBabble.  For a while it was somewhat popular and I had a lot of fun with it.  Then I had a real-life friend shit all over me through my blog and I let it languish.  Then I shelved it.  I owned the domain name and paid for hosting and I just couldn’t justify that anymore.

For whatever reason, I looked it up on the Wayback Machine.  A lot of my writing didn’t horrify me, in fact I was pretty damn pleased with myself.  It kind of made me want to resurrect it.

But things change.  People change.  My main reason for shutting it down was I felt that I had entered a new stage in my life and I wanted a fresh start.  I have it archived – hopefully – on an old hard drive.  But that hard drive was damaged after one too many times of falling off my desk and I can’t even remember if I copied my files elsewhere after my husband was able to retrieve them.

Over the relatively short time I’ve had this blog, the topics and focus have slowly expanded to include parts of my world and life other than Tae Kwon D0.  It’s my roundabout way of saying I don’t do well with a blog limited to a single topic.  This year I’m going to try to use it more as a personal journal (within reason) and get back into the blogging groove.

I still miss my old blog.  Or maybe it’s being a little sentimental for the old me.  Things seemed a little simpler then, as they tend to when looking backward through soft-focus lenses.  I think resurrecting it would be a mistake, a way of living in the past instead of the present.

Maybe I’ll buy a domain name for myself.  Not necessarily use it, just buy it and park it.  Keep it a while for the “what if”.

Is it Opposite Day?

My birthday is tomorrow, so you know what that means?  It means I had to renew my drivers license today.  I was dreading it, because it’s usually really busy and the front door is manned by the crankiest old man on earth.  However, I went there today and it was a pleasurable AND efficient experience.  Everybody actually seemed to be happy to be there doing their jobs.  Better yet, the entire visit took no longer than 15 minutes and the picture on my license is so good that I was tempted to get a moving violation just so I could whip it out, point at my picture and exclaim, “Can you believe that I actually have a good picture on my license?”.

Gone are the days when my picture was so bad I had a friend threaten to lose it for me, just so I could get it replaced with a better one.