Did I get kicked in the head and not remember?

Last night at TKD we were paired up to work on applications. My first partner is far from my favorite, but there isn’t much I can do about it. I was happy with my performance last night, I felt focused and energized and actually felt capable for a moment. However, doing our applications I got kicked in the elbow…repeatedly. It might be the way I hold my arms, perhaps I’m not keeping my elbows in when I am in the defensive position. Or maybe I’m supposed to learn some lesson about minor injuries this week. Two days prior we were doing our kick-punch drills on the standing bags. Our instructor hopped on our bag to punch while I was kicking. There was some poor timing involved because I managed to strike his bony elbow with the top of my foot. I’m sporting an interesting bruise right near my toes.

Anyhoo, this morning I was heading out for coffee and to pick up some Burger King for my husband. His request, the thought of BK in the morning makes my stomach do flip flops. I either really thought it was a bad idea for him to have that or I got kicked in the head last night and don’t remember. I went towards BK and when I came to that street, I turned the wrong way. After turning myself around I managed to pass it right up without realizing it until I got to the Starbucks down the street. Since I was there, I got my coffee and promptly forgot where I parked the car. After a few awkward moments I found it and got his BK and finally got on my way. It’s a miracle I remembered how to get home.

Getting over myself

I’ve been tired all day. I think taking a two week out of town vacation made TKD hit me all that much harder when I came back. My abs have been KILLING me today and my whole body kind of aches. Oh, and this morning I woke myself up when I pushed on my elbow to roll over. My first thought was “huh, that’s interesting, I’m sore”, and then “oh crap, that’s gonna be a bruise”.

On a good note, while I didn’t lose any weight while on vacation, I didn’t gain any either. Given how I ate, that is the best possible outcome.

I need to get myself together. I having been eating horribly, but I haven’t been eating great either. I kind of eat “accidentally”. About 2 years ago my appetite disappeared. I think something shifted mentally, because not only did I lose my appetite, but I didn’t really enjoy eating either. I only ate when I was hungry. What a concept. It helped me lose 40 pounds in 2 years and I’m currently holding at around 170 lbs. I’m 5’7″ or so, so it’s not a horrible weight, but I’m two sizes smaller (down to a 12 from a 16) so I’m not looking to shabby, but I feel like if I could get my act together I can just be so much better in so many areas.

Heart disease runs in my family, so getting down to an acceptable weight is necessary, along with keeping active (check and check). It seems arthritis runs in the family too and I need to add some weight bearing exercises to keep my bones strong. I need to get a grip on my eating habits and take some supplements as well. All around I need to work on self-management and self-discipline. Making a meal plan I’m discovering is must. I can’t keep making daily runs to the grocery store. If I could plan out at least Monday through Friday and shop in one trip, I’d be happier. As would the environment I’m sure. I need to organize my life a bit as well. I need to sign up for FlyLady again (and actually follow it). I need to do what I must first, then do what I want. Allowing myself to be distracted day after day is keeping me from reaching my full potential. I need to find an interest, ONE interest and develop it (I think it’s going to be photography). I need to contact Grandmaster and inform him of my decision to accept his proposal of accelerating my progress.

I need to give up the fear I have, whether it be of success or failure. Yes, I may be afraid of success. It’s very easy to be mediocre and average. Success means things will change, surely for the better, yet it’s the change part that can be uncomfortable. Giving up that fear and just doing will be a step in the right direction.

Implementing these changes may mean some initial micro-management of my daily life. I have to stop worrying about whether it’s neurotic or not and just do it. If I have to make a list just so I can have the feeling of accomplishment when I check something off, so be it. (Ok, I got out of bed, I can check that one off!). My biggest challenge is avoiding the distractions I use to avoid doing something I hate. Like how suddenly C-Span is so much more interesting than doing the laundry.

I need to start leading by example. We were originally going to do a lot of this as a family, but my husband recently fell overboard and it’s up to me. I can’t seem to do it for myself when I have to help the kids do it, so I’m just going to do what I need to do and try to inspire the rest of my family by my actions.

Already the negative thoughts creep in (it’s too much work, I don’t have the time, I’m tired). And they are all bullshit. I am a warrior, and a warrior can overcome any obstacle.